A Beautiful Goodbye?

When I see you now 
I wonder how 
I could've watched you walk away 
If I let you down 
Please forgive me now 
For that beautiful goodbye 

I have a dream hangover this morning. I had that dream again. As always, my brother has returned. But this time it was different, it seemed extremely real – maybe it’s what you call wishful dreaming. I was in the living room watching a movie, a bottle of wine in my hand – the doorbell rings – Ray goes to see who it is – he says it is my sister – I say I’m watching a movie. She walks in – with Alex – I drop the bottle – I fall to my knees – and start crying – it’s real this time it’s real isn’t it – I ask Ray – this isn’t a dream this time is it – I go to hug Alex – yes, it’s real this time, not a dream. He seems to say something about what it took to get here. He is tall and slim and healthy – unblemished - clean. And this morning it reminds me of the passage in the Bible (or psalm or something), on speaking of those that die, that they become restored to their former self – healthy and whole. The jolt from dream to reality seems stronger each time, more and more the dream feels real….is it a message or a sign, that all is well – he is whole again, and free? I wish I knew for sure - this dark cloud still hangs heavily over me.....

Fed up with my destiny
And this place of no return
Think I'll take another day
And slowly watch it burn
It doesn't really matter how the time goes by
Cause I still remember you and I
And that beautiful goodbye 

We staggered through these empty streets 
Laughing arm in arm 
The night had made a mess of me 
Your confession kept me warm 
And I don't really miss you, I just need to know 
Do you ever think of you and I 
And that beautiful goodbye 

When I see you now 
I wonder how 
I could've watched you walk away 
If I let you down 
Please forgive me now 
For that beautiful goodbye 

In these days of no regrets 
I keep mine to myself 
And all the things we never said 
I can say for someone else
Cause nothing lasts forever, but we always try 
And I just can't help but wonder why 
We let it pass us by 

When I see you now 
I wonder how 
I could've watched you walk away 
If I let you down 
Please forgive me now 
For that beautiful goodbye 

(Amanda Marshall)